


Don't Panic

by CassidyStark



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Brief mention of dysphoria, Depressed Sherlock, F/M, FTM Sherlock Holmes, John to the Rescue, John's Mustache, M/M, Mycroft Being a Good Brother, No threesome just johnlock, Oral Sex, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings, Sherlock Holmes and Drug Use, Sherlock is a Mess, Virgin Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 00:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8034199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassidyStark/pseuds/CassidyStark
Summary: John is engaged. Sherlock isn't happy about it.





	Don't Panic

John's first instinct was to ignore the ringing phone.

Mary insisted that he check it. So he looked at the screen and immediately knew that it was not a good sign. Mycroft Holmes never called him just to chat pleasantly. "I've got to take this," he told Mary. "I'm so sorry."

He got up from the table where they were having dinner, not too happy to have his romantic dinner with Mary being interrupted by a Holmes yet again.

"John," Mycroft said. "You need to get here now. I'm sending a car for you."

"What's going on?"

"It's my brother."

"What-" Before John could ask anymore questions, Mycroft hung up.

John sighed and went to tell his fiance that he had to leave. 

"I'm so sorry," he told her.

Mary just smiled and nodded at him.

He gave her a quick kiss on the lips then grabbed his jacket and headed outside. The car pulled up a few minutes later and took him back to Baker Street. He had no idea what to expect when he stepped inside the familiar apartment. Mycroft greeted him, looking worried.

"He's in the bathroom. He won't come out," Mycroft informed him. "He's having a panic attack."

"Are you sure?"

"It's happened before."

"What caused it?"

Mycroft shook his head. "I don't know. He won't talk to me. I thought that maybe you could get through to him."

"Alright," John said, nodding, resigning himself to the task ahead of him.

"I have to leave. Something important. I trust that my brother is in good hands?"

It was a question. If John refused to do this, he was pretty sure Mycroft would stay with Sherlock despite whatever governmental responsibilities he may have. "He is," John assured him. Sherlock could be a nightmare sometimes but John wanted him to be okay. John never stopped caring about Sherlock, even after this fake death stunt he pulled.

Mycroft left and John opened the bathroom door slowly. "Sherlock?" he asked.

"John... " Sherlock was sitting on the bathroom floor, back against the wall. His curls were a complete mess and he was breathing erratically.

John sat down with him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Sherlock snapped.

John's eyes widened in surprise and he withdrew his hand. "Talk to me," he encouraged instead. "Tell me what's wrong."

"No."

"You can tell me anything, you know that right? I'm not angry at you. Everything's alright."

"No, it's not."

"What's going on with you?"

"Leave me alone. Go home to Mary. I just need my drugs. Mycroft wouldn't let me call my dealer."

"Why are you upset?"

Sherlock glared at him. "Go be with Mary."

"How does Mary have anything to do with this?"

"She has everything to do with this! Don't be so stupid, John."

John was trying to put it all together in his head but he couldn't. He wasn't the brilliant detective, that was Sherlock. "What do you mean?"

"You're going to marry her! And I... this isn't how it was supposed to go."

"What isn't?"

"I thought that when I came back you'd be so happy to see me alive and we'd..."

"We would what?"

"I thought that it would be us again, you and me like it was before."

"Do you not like Mary? Is that it?"

"I like Mary."

"Then what is it?"

Sherlock covered his face with his hands, gasping for air.

"Please Sherlock, just tell me. I can take it, I promise," John insisted.

There were tears in Sherlock's eyes when he looked up at him. "I'm in love with you."

"What?"

Sherlock shook his head, refusing to repeat his confession.

John was in shock. He tried to process all of this, process Sherlock's confession, look back and wonder how he never realized this...

"Leave," Sherlock insisted, sniffling and covering his face again.

"I'm not leaving," John said. "I'm not going anywhere." He pulled Sherlock into his arms and embraced him tightly, rubbing his back to comfort him.

"Do you hate me?"

"No, I could never hate you Sherlock. I love you so much."

"You do?"

John smiled at him. "Yes, of course I do. I should have told you sooner. But I didn't want to risk our friendship. You're important to me."

"You're an idiot, John."

John chuckled. "I know."

Sherlock sighed sadly and looked down at the floor. "I wish you would have told me," he said. "You have Mary now."

John cupped Sherlock's face in his hands and kissed him. He'd wanted to kiss him for so long and it was even more amazing than he thought it would be. Sherlock kissed him back desperately, clinging to him.

"Let me get you a cup of tea," John said breathlessly when the kiss ended.

Sherlock just nodded silently and walked to sit on the couch.

John made the tea, thoughts racing. He sat down on the couch with Sherlock and they both sipped their tea quietly.

"I want to kiss you again," John finally said.

"So do it."

And John did. He threw himself at Sherlock, kissing him passionately. Somehow Sherlock ended up in John's lap and he was rocking his hips against John's as they kissed. He moaned quietly against John's lips and John's self-control went out the window.

"Can I touch you?"

Sherlock nodded. "Yes."

John pulled him along, pushing him down on the bed. He unbuttoned Sherlock's shirt and kissed one of his perfect pale collarbones. He was so gorgeous.

\---

"Do you want to keep this on?" John asked, fingers sliding over Sherlock's binder.

Sherlock considered it and nodded quickly. "Yes."

John nodded too. "Okay."

John never had a problem with Sherlock being transgender. And Sherlock was comfortable for the most part with his body. He didn't want to transition, didn't think that he needed to. He was a male and he didn't need hormones or surgery to tell him that. His body after all was only transport. Some people's ideas of gender concepts were so ridiculous and he wouldn't let them influence him. Not to say that he never felt dysphoria at times, it was unavoidable sometimes. And right now he wanted to keep his binder on because he didn't want to risk feeling dysphoric at a time like this. John never treated him as anything other than male and it was amazing. John was amazing.

John removed Sherlock's pants and then his boxer briefs. Sherlock held his breath. Even though John had always been so good with him, a small part of him was still afraid that seeing him naked would make John change his mind about how much of a man Sherlock was.

John smiled at him reassuringly. "You're perfect," he said.

He kissed Sherlock's thigh. Sherlock let out a relieved breath.

"Can I... " John hesitated, licking his lips. He gestured at Sherlock's lower body. "What do you call this?" He looked embarrassed to be asking but Sherlock didn't mind.

Sherlock would rather have him ask than say the wrong thing. "My cock."

John grinned. "Can I suck your cock?"

Sherlock grinned now too. "Yes."

John didn't hesitate, burying his face in the nest of curls between Sherlock's legs. 

Sherlock gasped. "Oh!" No one had ever done this to him before. John's mustache felt... interesting. It wasn't terrible but Sherlock preferred a clean-shaven John anyway.

Sherlock had never been so turned on in his life. And John knew what he was doing. He was good at this. Sherlock gripped the blankets beneath him and moaned. He didn't like the way his voice sounded when he moaned. It was too high pitched. He was usually so careful to lower his voice but he couldn't control himself right now. It was embarrassing but John didn't seem to be complaining.

John licked and sucked and it drove Sherlock wild.

"Fuck... John... Oh...." Sherlock couldn't stop the noises spilling from his mouth. He arched his back a little. "I might..." he tried to say. John didn't stop. He was too good at this. Sherlock never imagined just how amazing this would feel. "John!" He cried out loudly, shuddering hard with his orgasm.

"How was that?" John asked him, smiling.

"We can do that again, can't we?" Sherlock asked.

John laughed. "Yes, as many times as you want. But I should let your brother know you're okay now. And Mary..."

Sherlock sat up with John and reached for his underwear. "Is she... What does this mean?"

"You're coming home with me tonight. Mary is going to love you just as much as I do. We'll make this work, okay?"

Sherlock nodded. "Okay."

He waited outside while John told Mary everything. He was beginning to think it was a mistake but then John was pulling him inside and into bed to snuggle between him and Mary. And though things had not gone as he imagined, Sherlock had never felt so right. He knew that he was exactly where he was supposed to be.


End file.
